So, tomorrow’s Monday. Work again. I didn’t used to dread it, this job, and my last, to be fair, have been roles I’ve enjoyed. I’ve counted myself very lucky in my career to date, falling in to this profession by chance and it being exceptionally good to me. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy my job anymore, it’s just I don’t really seem to care.
I suppose there are 2 things that are getting me. Actually 3. Firstly, since my son was born, I really do find it difficult to be there. I go in every morning, reluctantly, and leave as soon as I can. I miss my son. Secondly, I manage a team, and although I love each of them and have great fun with them, I just can’t find it in myself to give a damn about their career and why I have to pull them along. And finally, my boss. I’ve always liked her, we’ve been good friends for the last couple of years. But something has changed and I find myself getting increasingly angry with her every time we speak.
Are they all related? Does she see this new inability to give a damn about work and my team, and want to challenge me every step of the way?
I’ve found it very hard to be driven in my career. I’m not ambitious, I don’t know where I want to be in 5 years, I have no plan. The jobs I’ve had, like I said, I’ve been fortunate with. But the career I have at the moment doesn’t seem to have a clear ‘ladder’ to climb anyway. I like being a manager, largely because I like having control of things and being able to instigate change. I’m not egotistical or power hungry. Outwardly. But whenever I am asked by my boss what I want to do, I’m at a loss. And it’s only getting worse. Do I try and go upward? That would involve playing a game I don’t care for. Do I go in for something outside of what I’m used to? Or do I just leave for another similar role somewhere else, where I don’t have to walk the minefield with my boss?
And now I have responsibility. I have a wife and child. The child bit is new, the wife bit would have been fine as she has a career of her own. But the child, that needs looking after, I have to think about this. I can’t not care. I have to be mindful of what could happen if they do in fact know I don’t care. I’ve seen them walk people out without notice.
Well, regardless of all that, I do have the Monday blues. And it’s going to be worse now that I’m guaranteed a hangover. Did I forget to say I like to drink and type?